A VILLAGE MARRIAGE

I remember that marriages were big events in this tiny Island. I have observed the kind of co-operation among the locals had no bounds. It was remarkable to see the way they worked together. A ‘Pandal’, a temporary shed, used to be erected with areca stakes tightened together with bamboo poles, the lower and upper portion of the sides were covered with ‘China Veli’, a ready-made Chinese fencing, and top thatched with plaited coconut leaves or tarpaulin sheet was spread on top as a canopy during rainy season. A “WELCOME” arch with decorations would be put at the entrance. This was erected in the courtyard. A ‘Manikolam’, a bridal seat, would be made and decorated the next day.

The following evening, heralding the great event the ‘Thengepattu’ blared out. This was a loudspeaker fitted on a coconut tree trunk and a gramophone played at earsplitting decibel levels. In 1980s and 1990s, Sreenivasan Embramthiri of Durga Bhavan situated near Kalathil Bhagavathi temple was popular for his light and sound arrangements for marriages and other important events at Kumbalam.

A lot of people in the neighbourhood believed that it was their duty to help the host in need. They would gather on the previous day to run around in that wedding house. They would clean the ‘Varppu’, a large bronze utensil with a wide mouth and the two ‘Urulis’, small bronze utensils to prepare food were borrowed from our ‘Mana. They help the chef and his helpers in preparing the food for the feast. Their neighbours would volunteer gratuitously worked at the wedding house. The hosts took particular care to let the helpers eat, drink and be merry. The host would provide adequate booze if possible military rum too, the special item at the bar. Plenty of arrack and the local toddy would also be made available to treat those helpers. 

Jacob and I used to go to the gate to gaze at the young couples. The Hindu bride normally draped herself in a colourful, bright and shining Kancheepuram silk saree with a matching blouse or a cream coloured saree with golden jerry and a matching blouse. A bunch of jasmine flowers were tucked into her long braid and a small ‘Kuri’ made of sandal paste adorned her forehead. In addition to that married lady would smear vermillion on her forehead.

Some of the virgin girls took ‘Thalam’ with kindled lamps and went out to receive the bridegroom, who would normally wear an impeccably white dhoti with a white or light coloured full sleeve shirt. He too adorned the ‘Kuri’ on his forehead. The Christian brides usually wear a cream coloured elegant Pasmina silk saree. The couples would also be wearing garlands. The crowd made way for the groom and made him sit at the bridal seat. During the marriage ceremony the bridegroom ties a ‘Thali’. This is a marriage badge which is worn as a center piece of the nuptial string, a neck ornament of the bride. This is an Indian custom among all religions and castes and identifies a married lady.

The Hindu houses served only vegetarian dishes like an “Onam Sadhya.” The dessert is normally either ‘Parippu Payasam’ or ‘Adapradhaman’ or both. On the contrary the Christians would have a feast with beef, chicken pork and fish, a real spread. These are festive occasions for the stray dogs as well. They howl, bark and fight with each other for the crumbs. All this activity combined with the ‘Thengepattu’ was very eventful and fascinating. Nobody in the locality would be able to sleep that night. As for the Muslims, they would have their mutton or chicken biriyani, raitha and a piece of pineapple as dessert.

The guests praised the bride and teased the groom. Most of the neighbours fully participate and contribute even reasonable amounts to the host. Both the host and the guests are happy. It was so good to find such co-operation and a lot of fun on these occasions! We too used to get a small pot full of ‘Payasam’, dessert, which was sent across to our house as soon as it was ready.

By the end of the twentieth century, every community had their own community hall where the marriage receptions are normally being conducted. Life has become fast and the co-operation that existed amongst the Islanders is gradually diminishing. These days, the host engages a caterer to supply a lunch (either serviced by his agents or buffet). Everybody seems very busy and do not have time to care for the others. While fully engrossed in taking photographs and video the new couple and the host would totally forget the invitees.

I wondered why people spend so lavishly for the printing of wedding cards; saris and jewelry and other paraphernalia in connection with marriage. Aren’t they becoming a show of extravaganza? I wish the government would make restrictions and curtail the number of invitees and the expense to be incurred.  Why don’t they limit it to about two hundred invitees and see that the expenses do not overshoot a maximum amount of one lakh rupees. Those who cross the limit should be made to pay an exorbitant sum as luxury tax. The amounts thus collected could be utilized for worthy causes like marriages and settlement of youths in orphanages.

Excerpts from

MEMOIRS

An autobiography

by

Joseph J. Thayamkeril

Lawyer, Kochi, Kerala, India.

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