A century ago, people in our country firmly followed the age old customs and traditions of getting married when still young; to be more specific, before or immediately after they attained puberty. My paternal grandparents, Oli Thressiamma and Oli Ousepachan, got married at the age of 8 and 12 respectively. Same was the case with my maternal grandparents, Elykutty and N.J. Chacko Neerakal who were 8 and 15 years old respectively when they got married. They had their first child when she was 19. All their children were healthy, good-looking and brilliant. This was the general trend in families throughout the country. Most young people, especially girls, are physically and psychologically ready to get married as soon as they attain puberty. The norm that was widely followed was, “the earlier the marriage the better.”
As I understand it, child marriage has a number of advantages. Being young, the couple understands each other better; both of them have the benefit of growing and learning together, adapting to new surroundings and situations, making them extremely compatible with each other. This makes the transition of adjusting into the spouse’s house a much easier process. It is easier to create a family when one is young. In their close affinity, there is hardly any room for confrontation. I have never seen my grandparents fighting each other. Since they take up responsibilities at a very early age, they tend to be more serious about life and plan their future accordingly.
This can be set against the lifestyle of single men and women, who (in most cases) are more laid back, giving them extra time on their hands to engage in past times such as smoking, drinking and taking drugs, under the pretext of “enjoying” life; following the misconstrued ruse of being “cool.”
People who oppose child marriage would say that it would adversely affect girl’s education, personal development, job prospects and personal income and childbearing goals. Some argue that she might be pulled out of school, and separated from her peers. I disagree that early marriage would keep people from studying and/or building a career. If there is a will there is a way. Young couples manage to combine studying at the university, having a family and even children. If you have the desire, determination, dedication and devotion nothing could prevent you from getting higher education. Another case that is widely argued is that child bearing at a young age leads to high rates of maternal and child mortality. However, this stand is not justified in the present scenario, where medical attention in various disciplines is available in every nook and corner of our country.
The youngsters of our country suppress their innate sexual drives. When you get married late; you won't get those years back. Little do they realize that there are many other significant things to achieve in life. The cleverer a person becomes the more difficult for him / her to find a partner in life. It is not easy to live together if two people have two completely different, even contradictory views on life. Furthermore, a woman’s chances of getting pregnant decrease as she grows older. When a woman crosses thirty, infertility issues are almost doubled.
Virginity is sexual abstinence until marriage. Historically, premarital sex was considered a moral issue which was taboo in many cultures and considered a sin by a number of religions, but since about the 1960s, it has become more widely accepted, especially in western countries. Arousal of sex is a natural hunger, a biological necessity. I have heard people say, “Morality is lack of opportunity.” In western countries, dating is very common. They enjoy sex from a very young age. Their youngsters leave their parental homes and move into dormitories when they attain puberty. In case a boy /girl doesn’t have a girl / boy friend; their parents are anxious and they would take their child to a psychologist. But modern relationships are much more complicated; people date more partners before settling down; cohabitate and procreate without getting married; and might marry later in life when they are sure that they won’t desert each other. It is astounding to note that at present a majority of the young Americans below 35 years are unmarried.
It is always advisable to take some marital counseling courses before getting engaged and married to someone. Sex education programs are now available to teach the youngsters about reproductive health, safer sex practices, sexual abstinence and birth control. It will help you to avert teenage pregnancies and other problems in life. Marriage is not a bed of roses. Couples should be ready to make adjustments and accommodations and should be prepared to share their joys and sorrows to make their life a success. It is significant to bear in mind that “life is a stage in which much has to be endured and little to be enjoyed.”
Awakening of sex, sexual intercourse and masturbation are quite natural. It’s healthy and perfectly normal. I have observed it not only in human beings but in other mammals as well, and it is unnatural to control it. We have to realize the fact that sexual relationship is not a sin at all and it is a biological necessity. There are only two unpardonable crimes in the code of sexual conduct, rape and telling of lies or breach of promise. Christianity teaches sexual relationships as abhorrence, crime or sin. They say that sexual relationship, masturbation and the child born out of a wed lock too is the result of sin. Their teachings are absurd and against the Rules of Mother Nature.
Christianity further teaches that the blemishes or sin has to be cleansed by a sacrament (a sacred ceremony of reparation, penance, compensation, self-punishments, atonement or apology) namely baptism. The sacraments are invented and introduced during various periods to extract money from the blind believers and the church discourages their independent thinking in order to exploit them. Zoroastrianism originally invented the theory of heaven and hell as a means of income or livelihood for their hereditary priests. Mithraism too adopted it and Mithraism ultimately merged in Christianity. It is pertinent to note that there are neither intermediaries nor sacraments in Islam, another offshoot of Judaism.
Delayed marriages and suppression of sex is a curse of the Indian society, and is a major reason for many of the problems that surface in Indian society. The innate urge of immature children to experiment with the new found changes in one’s body due to puberty, is often exploited by relatives, friends, pimps and other rich and influential people in society including politicians, top officials in the executive and the judiciary; and affluent grand old Muslim men from abroad arriving for muta-marriages. I was astounded when the media pointed out that in some cases, the rape victim’s own parents were the ones involved in such heinous crimes. It can be concluded that half of India’s problems can be solved if children get married at the right time.
No doubt, the best age for having your first baby is roughly when you are twenty years old. In such circumstances there would be a fourth generation in most families. The main advantage here is that in the extreme event of both parents dying prematurely or in the case of divorce, there would always be grandparents or great-grandparents to look after the children; the children won’t become orphans; a burden on society.
A girl child attains puberty at her young age of thirteen or earlier and the boy at the age of 15 or little later. It is beyond human reasoning. There may be slight areas of dispute in the matter of child marriages, which has to be ignored. Beyond his limitations, man tries to create a new order in society and nature, thinking that he is the master. He never realizes the fact that the Acts and Rules he is making is contradictory to the Rules of Mother Nature. Like our parents and grandparents did, children should be married before they attain puberty. Otherwise there would naturally be outbreak of sex and rich and influential people in the society would exploit young children. It is not fair or proper for the Parliament to interfere with the personal freedom of individuals and it is against the Rule of Nature to fix a minimum age of 21 and 18 for marriage. Marriageable age does not come within the realm of the parliament. Let wisdom dawn on Parliament to review the prohibition of child marriage and make necessary amendments in this regard.
Excerpts from
MEMOIRS
by
Joseph J. Thayamkeril
josephjthayamkeril@gmail.com
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