A
century ago, people in our country firmly followed the age old customs and
traditions of getting married when still young; to be more specific, before or
immediately after they attained puberty. My paternal grandparents, Oli
Thressiamma and Oli Ousepachan, got married at the age of 12 and 15
respectively. Same was the case with my maternal grandparents, Elykutty and
N.J. Chacko Neerakal who were 8 and 15 years old respectively when they got
married. They had their first child when she was 19. All their children were
healthy, good-looking and brilliant. This was the general trend in families
throughout the country. Most young people, especially girls, are physically and
psychologically ready to get married as soon as they attain puberty. The norm
that was widely followed was, “the earlier the marriage the better.”
As
I understand it, child marriage has a number of advantages. Being young, the couple understands each other better; both of them have the benefit of growing and learning together,
adapting to new surroundings and situations, making them extremely compatible
with each other. This makes the transition of adjusting into the spouse’s house
a much easier process. It is easier to create a family when one is
young. In their close affinity, there is hardly any room for confrontation. I
have never seen my grandparents fighting each other. Since they take up
responsibilities at a very early age, they tend to be more serious about life
and plan their future accordingly.
This
can be set against the lifestyle of single men and women, who (in most cases)
are more laid back, giving them extra time on their hands to engage in past
times such as smoking, drinking and taking drugs, under the pretext of
“enjoying” life; following the misconstrued ruse of being “cool.”
People who oppose child marriage would say
that it would adversely affect girl’s education, personal development, job
prospects and personal income and childbearing goals. Some argue that she might
be pulled out of school, and separated from
her peers. I disagree that early marriage would keep people from studying
and/or building a career. If there is a will there is a way. Young couples
manage to combine studying at the university, having a family and even
children. If you have the desire, determination, dedication and devotion
nothing could prevent you from getting higher education. Another case that is
widely argued is that child bearing at a young age leads to high rates of
maternal and child mortality. However, this stand is not justified in the
present scenario, where medical attention in various disciplines is available
in every nook and corner of our country.
The youngsters of our country suppress their
innate sexual drives. When you get married late; you won't get those years
back. Little do they realize that there are many other significant things to
achieve in life? The cleverer a person becomes the more difficult for him/her
to find a partner in life. It is not easy to live together if two people have
two completely different, even contradictory views on life. Furthermore, a woman’s chances of getting pregnant decrease as she grows
older. When a woman crosses thirty, infertility issues are almost doubled.
Virginity is sexual abstinence until
marriage. Historically, premarital sex was considered a moral issue which was
taboo in many cultures and considered a sin by a number of religions, but since
about the 1960s, it has become more widely accepted, especially in western
countries. Arousal of sex is a natural hunger, a biological necessity. I have
heard people say, “Morality is lack of opportunity.” In western countries,
dating is very common. They enjoy sex from a very young age. Their youngsters
leave their parental homes and move into dormitories when they attain puberty.
In case a boy/girl doesn’t have a girl/boy friend; their parents are anxious
and they would take their child to a psychologist. But
modern relationships are much more complicated; people date more partners
before settling down; cohabitate and procreate without getting married; and
might marry later in life when they are sure that they won’t desert each other.
It is astounding to note that at present a majority of the young Americans
below 35 years are unmarried.
It is always advisable to take some marital
counseling courses before getting engaged and married to someone. Sex education programs are now available to teach the
youngsters about reproductive health, safer sex practices, sexual abstinence and birth
control. It will help you to avert teenage pregnancies and other problems in
life. Marriage is not a bed of roses. Couples should be ready to make
adjustments and accommodations and should be prepared to share their joys and
sorrows to make their life a success. It is significant to bear in mind that
“life is a stage in which much has to be endured and little to be enjoyed.”
Awakening of sex, sexual intercourse and
masturbation are quite natural. It’s healthy and
perfectly normal. I have observed it not only in human beings but in
other mammals as well, and it is unnatural to control it. We have to realize
the fact that sexual relationship is not a sin at all and it is a biological
necessity. There are only two unpardonable crimes in the code of sexual
conduct, rape and telling of lies or breach of promise. Christianity teaches
sexual relationships as abhorrence, crime or sin. They say that sexual
relationship, masturbation and the child born out of a wed lock too is the
result of sin. Their teachings are absurd and against the Rules of Mother Nature.
Christianity further teaches that the
blemishes or sin has to be cleansed by a sacrament (a sacred ceremony of
reparation, penance, compensation, self-punishments, atonement or apology)
namely baptism. The sacraments are invented and introduced during various
periods to extract money from the blind believers and the church discourages
their independent thinking in order to exploit them. Zoroastrianism originally
invented the theory of heaven and hell as a means of income or livelihood for
their hereditary priests. Mithraism too adopted it and Mithraism ultimately
merged in Christianity. It is pertinent to note that there are neither
intermediaries nor sacraments in Islam, another offshoot of Judaism.
Delayed
marriages and suppression of sex is a curse of the Indian society, and is a
major reason for many of the problems that surface in Indian society. The
innate urge of immature children to experiment with the new found changes in
one’s body due to puberty, is often exploited by relatives, friends, pimps and
other rich and influential people in society
including politicians, top officials in the executive and the judiciary;
and affluent grand old Muslim men from abroad arriving for muta-marriages. I
was astounded when the media pointed out that in some cases, the rape victim’s
own parents were the ones involved in such heinous crimes. It can be concluded
that half of India’s problems can be solved if children get married at the
right time.
No
doubt, the best age for having your first baby is roughly when you are twenty
years old. In such circumstances there would be a fourth generation in most
families. The main advantage here is that in the extreme event of both parents
dying prematurely or in the case of divorce,
there would always be grandparents or great-grandparents to look after the
children; the children won’t become orphans; a burden on society.
A
girl child attains puberty at her young age of thirteen or earlier and the boy
at the age of 15 or little later. It is beyond human reasoning. There may be
slight areas of dispute in the matter of child marriages, which has to be
ignored. Beyond his limitations, man tries to create a new order in society and
nature, thinking that he is the master. He never realizes the fact that the
Acts and Rules he is making is contradictory to the Rules of Mother Nature.
Like our parents and grandparents did, children should be married before they
attain puberty. Otherwise there would naturally be outbreak of sex and rich and
influential people in the society would exploit young children. It is not fair
or proper for the Parliament to interfere with the personal freedom and privacy
of individuals and it is against the Rule of Nature to fix a minimum age
of 18 and 21 for marriage. Marriageable
age does not come within the realm of the parliament. Let wisdom dawn on
Parliament to review the prohibition of child marriage and make necessary
amendments in this regard.
Excerpts from
MEMOIRSR
by
Joseph J. Thayamkeril
josephjthayamkeril@gmail.com
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